Warning, may contain spoilers.
The 2010 release of George A. Romero’s “The Crazies” is a remake of the 1973 version. It was directed by Breck Eisner and stars Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, and Danielle Panabaker. The story is about
zombies people that mysteriously become infected with crazy. George A. Romero dumps a bucket of crazy on a small town in Iowa because nobody cares about Iowa and the rest of the country wouldn’t be able to notice that people in Iowa aren’t just acting normal.
Timothy Olyphant Holds It In
Timothy, (weird last name), Olyphant plays a sheriff and as an actor who mostly appears to be holding in an fart, he looks uncomfortable in every scene. While stroking his poor excuse for a mustache he almost immediately, after 45 minutes into the story, comes up with the conclusion that the water supply has been contaminated with crazy juice and is obviously the cause for the town folks acting odd; odd being defined as looking feverish and wanting to kill everybody. This isn’t your typical zombie movie as zombies are mostly classified as the living dead with erratic movements and a constant proclamation of how they want to consume brains. The “crazies”, as cleverly labeled in the title, are capable of concocting threats, handling high powered fire arms and are addicted to providing their victims with a false sense of safety by cleverly disappearing out of view just to end up staring them in the eye a few seconds later.
The incredibly beautiful Radha Mitchell plays Olyphants wife/town doctor/pregnant woman/ I ran out stuff to put in between slashes. Portraying a caring and passionate doctor who cares and is passionate about the town she passionately cares for, Radha’s character immediately says “screw this noise” when a patient begins to scratch peoples backs by forcing a pitchfork through their abdomen. Even doctors have their breaking points. They can refuse care to individuals suffering from mass hysteria and wielding a bloody pitchfork.
One of the greatest nail biting scenes in The Crazies opens in a makeshift health care room where patients suffering from “crazy” are tied to hospital beds while a crazy person welding a pitchfork casually strolls through and decides to relieve them of their discomfort by impaling them. Radha’s character is strapped at the end of the line of beds and patiently awaits being stabbed while simultaneously giving birth because that’s how hardcore she is.
The movie, like pretty much every zombie movie that makes sense, ends with an explosion and re-contamination of an even bigger city.
Timothy Olyphant poops himself a little at the end.