The Crazies Movie Poster

Warning, may contain spoilers.

The 2010 release of George A. Romero’s “The Crazies” is a remake of the 1973 version. It was directed by Breck Eisner and stars Timothy Olyphant, Radha Mitchell, and Danielle Panabaker. The story is about zombies people that mysteriously become infected with crazy. George A. Romero dumps a bucket of crazy on a small town in Iowa because nobody cares about Iowa and the rest of the country wouldn’t be able to notice that people in Iowa aren’t just acting normal.

The Crazies Movie Poster
The Crazies doesn't feature Mel Gibson but it rightfully should.

Timothy Olyphant Holds It In

Timothy Olyphant holds one in.
If this scene required him to look like he is holding one in, then he deserves an Oscar for believeability.

Timothy, (weird last name), Olyphant plays a sheriff and as an actor who mostly appears to be holding in an fart, he looks uncomfortable in every scene. While stroking his poor excuse for a mustache he almost immediately, after 45 minutes into the story, comes up with the conclusion that the water supply has been contaminated with crazy juice and is obviously the cause for the town folks acting odd; odd being defined as looking feverish and wanting to kill everybody. This isn’t your typical zombie movie as zombies are mostly classified as the living dead with erratic movements and a constant proclamation of how they want to consume brains. The “crazies”, as cleverly labeled in the title, are capable of concocting threats, handling high powered fire arms and are addicted to providing their victims with a false sense of safety by cleverly disappearing out of view just to end up staring them in the eye a few seconds later.

Timothy Olyphant is a master Suspense Builder
In this scene Mr. Olyphant builds the suspense as he appears to be about to let it rip but being the clever actor that he is, draws it back and leaves the audience begging for release.
Radha Mitchell stars in The Crazies
Radha Mitchell is CRAZY HOT. If hotness was measured in crazy then she should be in an Insane Aslyum.

Bloody Pitchforks

Pitchforks are awesome for scratching those hard to reach places like your insides.
Pitchforks are awesome for scratching those hard to reach places like your insides.

The incredibly beautiful Radha Mitchell plays Olyphants wife/town doctor/pregnant woman/ I ran out stuff to put in between slashes. Portraying a caring and passionate doctor who cares and is passionate about the town she passionately cares for, Radha’s character immediately says “screw this noise” when a patient begins to scratch peoples backs by forcing a pitchfork through their abdomen. Even doctors have their breaking points. They can refuse care to individuals suffering from mass hysteria and wielding a bloody pitchfork.

Radha screaming
Either she is giving birth, being pleasured or about to be stabbed with a pitchfork. Either way she looks gorgoeous.

One of the greatest nail biting scenes in The Crazies opens in a makeshift health care room where patients suffering from “crazy” are tied to hospital beds while a crazy person welding a pitchfork casually strolls through and decides to relieve them of their discomfort by impaling them. Radha’s character is strapped at the end of the line of beds and patiently awaits being stabbed while simultaneously giving birth because that’s how hardcore she is.

The movie, like pretty much every zombie movie that makes sense, ends with an explosion and re-contamination of an even bigger city.


Timothy Olyphant poops himself a little at the end.

Timothy Olyphant poops himself
If you love me, you'll ignore the smell.