I would like to discuss something near and dear to my heart. The feeling of being lied to. Its painful. It hurts. Lies can snatch the blanket of security away as you cower in the cold desolate space of the cruelty its placed you in. Which brings me to the main focus of this article.

The Burger King Steakhouse XT

The taste of Victory is only savored by Burger King. Enjoy your defeat sir.

The image they market is a burger that is to your mouth what a vagina is to a mans crotch. Delicious. It portrays its ingredients as being layered by servants that prepare meals for the Gods of Olympus.

Stuffed with the tears of children who just realized Santa doesn't exist.

The best part of a Steakhouse XT is the moment before you order it. Lets take a larger step back. The best part is the moment when you first realized it existed. The first time you feasted your eyes on this mouth pleaser, it could do no wrong. You imagine God giving a thumbs up to the creator for his excellence in crafting a masterpiece. Sadly, this feeling doesn’t merely fade upon purchase, it goes careening through the depths of your soul and launches itself into the sun. Receiving the Steakhouse XT is equivalent to coming home and finding your best friend pounding your wife’s love hole while simultaneously petting your dog and playing video games with your kids. Different scenario; imagine coming home with your pre-ordered copy of the latest video game (Halo Reach, Call of Duty Black Ops, etc…) only to find either a red ring of death or your game console won’t turn on. Basically, its the worst thing you can imagine. This is what Burger King does. They blanket you with warm hopes and delicious dreams of savory goodness only to deliver a swift kick to your mangina and an elbow smash to your cock gobbler.

The real Steakhouse is prepared by thrusting hips to techno music.

If I had to choose between eating a Burger King Steakhouse XT and having to die in a fire. I would hesitate to answer. If this is your first time hearing about a Steakhouse XT then consider yourself blessed. For those who weren’t so lucky, I too feel your pain. Feel free to Contact Us, as we are starting a counseling group to help those who’s mouths have been violated by Burger King’s meat.

Inside you will find a photo of your dead childhood pet. We want you to remember what it feels like to hate your life.